i've always known that i was a fighter. i'm not content to sit around and watch people suffer. i get righteously indignant when people are treated poorly, have no food or drink, can't afford to live in general while there are others prospering to the point of ridiculousness. i can't not say anything when someone is being disrespected. i can't just watch as someone is "ripped a new one" for a mistake. i was always taught that everyone deserves a certain level of respect - regardless of race, creed, station in life - and that we should never mistreat people (mostly because of our shared humanity, but also because you never know when you will need that person).

so that leads in to what i'm doing now. i'm sitting behind a desk typing a blog post that probably two or three people will ever read (myself included). there has to be a bigger purpose for me than this. i've felt it since i was small. i KNEW that i would grow up to do great things. i just didn't know what they would be. but i knew for certain that it would not be sitting behind a desk. i have just never been that person. i've never desired a corporate lifestyle. EVER. yet here i am wondering what went wrong and what needs to be done because all my life i've only wanted to help people.

when i was growing up and people would ask me what i wanted to be when i grew up, i'd say a doctor and a teacher. why? because i wanted to help people. who were my friends when i was in school moving around with the army from place to place? the unpopular kids. why? because i wanted to help them. when people get sick and i give them unsolicited advice, my reasoning - i just want to help them. that has been my mantra for my entire life. i just didn't know how to justify it. i didn't know what to do with it.

then there's the Peace Corps (that for some reason i always type Peach Corps) that i'm applying to. i'm a little stressed out because there's so much information to gather, organize and send out. but i also have peace and that means a lot.

so let's tie this all together shall we? a friend of mine sent me the following email today:
"Hey sister I'm just praying for you this morning. Last night the Lord gave me a picture of a desert, just the ground and it was all cracked and dry like clay. i didn't know what it was about but this morning He told me it was for you. So then this water came washing in-filling the cracks and covering the ground, but He specifically said "it's not rain." And that's about it."

such a simple email right? but i literally started crying. the things of God are so tender on my heart recently that any mention of His name wells me up. He is so good. He is so merciful. He is truly a partner but yet the driver. He drives and navigates on my behalf relieving so much stress and burden - and i truly don't know how to thank Him but through tears. (sorry for that sidetrack but it's so true). back to what i was saying: email, fighting, praying, Peace Corps - tying together...

the email was confirmation to me (at first glance) that God is filling in my gaps and although i may thirst, He is giving me an abundance of supply in what i need - knowledge of Him, provision, health, tenacity - you name it, i've got it.
fighting/praying - it is my calling to fight on other's behalf. i've been trying to put a title on it so i can have it as a profession: social work, counseling, healthcare and recently a stage or position of life: motherhood, sistering, friend.

problem: nothing fit. no title or specific station in life - nothing.

until today. intercessory prayer. i am a crisis intercessor like my mother. that woman is best friends with Jesus. he wakes her in the middle of the night to pray for hours. he nudges her heart to call me when i'm having a bad day. it's amazing and so encouraging that he's placed me on her heart and now even my friend's heart. so basically a crisis intercessor is "someone who prays for people when they have a crisis in their life. these prayers are decisive and at a critical moment. Many times it can be for life and death situations. They pray and pray and when it is over they may never pray for that person again. When God brings someone's face before us, it is to pray. Pray that the Holy Spirit makes us sensitive."

i know this is not an authoritative word on intercessory prayer but it fits so nicely. the tie in with peace corps is that the people of the world touch my heart. And i need time alone with God - what better way to do that than to join an organization that sends me to a place where there is little outside distraction than what he has called me there to do. i'll actually be immersed in prayer just to adapt to wherever i'd be sent.

i don't know. this is all preliminary. i'm open to suggestions as to what i should do and what God's plan for me is.

i'm open Lord.