A Love Affair

I'm trying to love my body. But I think I'm doing it wrong. All of these years, I've been thinking that I need to love the way it looks. That I need to be proud of this weight I've gained that won't go away. I've been buying clothes that "make me feel good". I've been planning trips and taking pictures - like photo shoot pictures.

But I've realized this morning that I've been doing this all wrong. I've been focusing on what it looks like instead of what it can do. Don't get me wrong, I have had moments of clarity in appreciating what it can do, how it moves and functions. But they were few and far between, muddled with conditions, misunderstandings and deafening passivity. 

(Sorry - if this seems jumbled - but I'm kind of thinking out loud here.)

This morning, I've been thinking about how my body works. I've been reading a book called Woman Code by Alisa Vitti which talks about how to eat to balance your hormones during the female monthly hormone cycle. This information has blown my mind and really opened my eyes to how it feels to be intuitive about your body. And also, it gives you permission to work with your body using your intuition. It's amazing. Who knew that we would ever need permission to listen to our bodies?? But you do. 

In today's world, we need permission to do everything. To love ourselves at larger sizes, to eat food that makes our bodies feel good without explanation/excuse, to do exercises that allow our bodies to bloom in function and release stress. It's a lot (for lack of a better term) and puts immense pressure on us to conform to a worldly standard. It's weird. Instead of looking at a larger body and saying, something is off within your system to allow you to maintain an unhealthy weight, we look at them and say "ew, fat! gross!" It's so odd to me. Our bodies are amazing! They tell us what they want, what they need and what kills it. We just don't listen.

Today, I'm making the pledge to turn off the tv, shut down social media and focus on myself. I want to know myself intimately. I want my body and mind to be so connected that I can immediately tell when I've eaten something that doesn't agree with me, but also know what types of foods allow my body to thrive. I invite you to do the same. Maybe we'll spark a revolution!

Beautiful. Sensual. Healthy: A Reflection on Journey

My lips are powerful. Sometimes when I'm not paying attention, my lips tighten and purse. Usually, as ideas are floating through my brain and causing my mind to whirl. It's like they're tightening around a thought so brilliant, it's likely to escape without proper protection. Other times they stretch and pull around my teeth, creating a smile that comes from the heart and brightens my eyes leaving others to wonder if the twinkle they see on my face has been pulled from the sky. I was recently complimented on them during a photo shoot and allowed to take a long hard look to see what others see when they look at me and I saw it. I saw that when I let them relax and part ever so slightly, they are beautiful. I saw that their natural outline creates a path that begs to be touched, traced and kissed. I understood how their softness when kissed would make you long for more and never get enough. I saw...beautiful.

...

In this moment, I want to text a man who loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. I want him to text me back the things that will make my heart melt and my insides tingle. I want to be fully uninhibited with him, knowing that I'm safe to be freely me. I want his texts to ignite a flame between my thighs that sends a blush up to my cheeks and cautionary glance around me. A sensual secret. A secret so potent that I can't sit still and so sensual that I feel like a spicy cloud of cinnamon is wafting from my every move enticing those around me with its fragrance. 

...

Boundaries. They're wonderful, helpful and healthy. When people disregard our boundaries, it makes us angry. It irritates us. It annoys us. It's a human response to a violation of space and well-being: spiritual, physical and mental. I yearn to understand boundaries intimately. I want to be fluid enough to realize that when I butt up against someone's expectations, it has less to do with me and more to do with their sense of self-substantiated well-being. I want to offer them the protection of a clear distinction of themselves. A distinction that honors who they are within a safe, ego-less space but allows me permission to be my protected, honored self as well.

...

"And then it came to me, like an epiphany..." - Chrisette Michelle, Epiphany (I'm Leaving)