i'm having a bad self-esteem day. it sucks and i hate when i get like this because no matter how hard i fight, i feel like it's not good enough. so i was reading this website that said that you should list out the things that you are grateful for. so here goes:
- for family and friends that listen to the same woes over and over again
- for weakness that pushes you to be stronger
- peace that comes with silence
- tears that bring healing
- wisdom that comes with pain
- growth
- spiritual heritage of strength, courage and love
- unconditional love
- physical heritage that reminds me to be proud in the face of ridicule and self-doubt
- for family and friends that remind me that no matter how i FEEL, my image is that of a beautiful woman that goes after what she wants and keeps her eyes on the prize
there are so many things that i'm grateful for besides just things that pertain to me. i love and/or appreciate everyone around me for the parts that they play in my life. i try to keep myself ahead of the game and strive to be beautiful on the inside. because although i long for it, i know that physical beauty is fleeting.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Hood to Coast...It Starts...
i received an email the other day from the running club at my job asking if i still wanted to be an alternate on the running team for Hood to Coast. you know how you don't know what's going on...? yeah, that's exactly how i felt reading the email. so let me explain...
every year my job participates as a sponsor of the Hood to Coast relay race in Oregon. each year they ask for volunteers to run and all of the running enthusiasts sign up and the people like me sign up to be alternates in case of emergency. well, i signed up thinking that i would never get the call to actually do it. but i did via email...and i said yes. it's basically a relay marathon where each team has it's runners take turns running 5-7 miles at a time until they get from the mountain to the coastline. i've never done it before but had heard great things about it and so, signed up like an idiot. just kidding...
when i got the email last friday asking if i was in, i was soooo excited. i thought i was going to pee my pants, i was so excited. but that quickly passed and turned into stress. i can't even run a mile, let alone 5-7. then red, my co-worker, reassured me that i had more than enough time to train and get it done. so my training officially started yesterday.
i ran/walked a little over a mile yesterday at lunch. it took me about 12 minutes to get back to where i started. and that was running without music - no distractions is apparently the key for my running style. Today i'm going out with a friend. we'll probably only do that one mile again, but it'll be good just to have someone with me for a change.
so this is the start of training. i'm going to try to track my progress here. i've been looking on a lot of websites that say that you should tell people about the races you have coming up to help keep you accountable with your training. so i'm going to post it here and hopefully, it will be the accountability that i need to make it do what it do.
every year my job participates as a sponsor of the Hood to Coast relay race in Oregon. each year they ask for volunteers to run and all of the running enthusiasts sign up and the people like me sign up to be alternates in case of emergency. well, i signed up thinking that i would never get the call to actually do it. but i did via email...and i said yes. it's basically a relay marathon where each team has it's runners take turns running 5-7 miles at a time until they get from the mountain to the coastline. i've never done it before but had heard great things about it and so, signed up like an idiot. just kidding...
when i got the email last friday asking if i was in, i was soooo excited. i thought i was going to pee my pants, i was so excited. but that quickly passed and turned into stress. i can't even run a mile, let alone 5-7. then red, my co-worker, reassured me that i had more than enough time to train and get it done. so my training officially started yesterday.
i ran/walked a little over a mile yesterday at lunch. it took me about 12 minutes to get back to where i started. and that was running without music - no distractions is apparently the key for my running style. Today i'm going out with a friend. we'll probably only do that one mile again, but it'll be good just to have someone with me for a change.
so this is the start of training. i'm going to try to track my progress here. i've been looking on a lot of websites that say that you should tell people about the races you have coming up to help keep you accountable with your training. so i'm going to post it here and hopefully, it will be the accountability that i need to make it do what it do.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
El Roi
God did something great for me last night...
A couple of days ago, a friend on facebook said that her plans had been cancelled last minute so I told her that she was more than welcome to come to Avatar with my friends and me that night. Well things ended up not going as planned and we ended up seeing the movie last night.
Sidebar: I LOVED IT!!
I don't know if you remember, but a couple of years ago, Seri was supposed to come with me to a concert because a friend of mine backed out last minute. This was the friend. Short version of the story: "J" backed out of going to the concert at the last minute. I was scrambling for someone to take the ticket and Seri said he wanted to go. Well, at the last minute, he decided that he shouldn't go because of his girlfriend. that lead to a whole bunch of dramatic happenings. But anyways...I've never had any hard feelings towards her but I have been annoyed with Seri from that time on. I take the opportunity to bring up the money that he refused to pay me for that ticket every time one comes up.
Well last night, I ended up paying for our movie tickets in advance so we had to stop at Walgreens to get some change so she could pay me for the movie. Well, she ended up paying me for the movie and the concert!! I was shocked! I wasn't expecting it at all. She said that it had been on her heart and mind for a long time.
When she handed me that money, I immediately felt...forgiveness... Weird, huh? You'd think I'd be feeling the warmth of that money burning a hole through my pocket. I realized as I put that money away, that I'd been really harboring some feelings of bitterness towards Seri due to this money. I thought that I was fine with him and the recent happenings - for the most part. But I'm not.
I can honestly say that everyday I learn to forgive him a little more. Right now it's just a thimble of forgiveness but I look forward to the day that it's an amazing amount like a roomful or infinite.
A few years ago, I went to see India Arie in concert for my birthday with my road dawg Leigh. It was amazing!! Spoke to me on so many levels. One thing that she said, though, that will stick with me forever, is that you don't have to forgive everything that people to do to you, say about you or whatever all at once. It's on-going process. You forgive them as much as you can every day. And each day you ask God to help you forgive them a little more.
That's where I'm at today. Forgiving a little more than I did yesterday. It feels good. God saw my need and provided - and it touched me in a way I wasn't expecting.
El Roi - the God who sees me...I have that name tattooed on me in Hebrew characters. It meant a lot to me when before but it means so much more now. Concert tickets may not mean much to you. But to me, they mean forgiveness, friendship and blessings.
A couple of days ago, a friend on facebook said that her plans had been cancelled last minute so I told her that she was more than welcome to come to Avatar with my friends and me that night. Well things ended up not going as planned and we ended up seeing the movie last night.
Sidebar: I LOVED IT!!
I don't know if you remember, but a couple of years ago, Seri was supposed to come with me to a concert because a friend of mine backed out last minute. This was the friend. Short version of the story: "J" backed out of going to the concert at the last minute. I was scrambling for someone to take the ticket and Seri said he wanted to go. Well, at the last minute, he decided that he shouldn't go because of his girlfriend. that lead to a whole bunch of dramatic happenings. But anyways...I've never had any hard feelings towards her but I have been annoyed with Seri from that time on. I take the opportunity to bring up the money that he refused to pay me for that ticket every time one comes up.
Well last night, I ended up paying for our movie tickets in advance so we had to stop at Walgreens to get some change so she could pay me for the movie. Well, she ended up paying me for the movie and the concert!! I was shocked! I wasn't expecting it at all. She said that it had been on her heart and mind for a long time.
When she handed me that money, I immediately felt...forgiveness... Weird, huh? You'd think I'd be feeling the warmth of that money burning a hole through my pocket. I realized as I put that money away, that I'd been really harboring some feelings of bitterness towards Seri due to this money. I thought that I was fine with him and the recent happenings - for the most part. But I'm not.
I can honestly say that everyday I learn to forgive him a little more. Right now it's just a thimble of forgiveness but I look forward to the day that it's an amazing amount like a roomful or infinite.
A few years ago, I went to see India Arie in concert for my birthday with my road dawg Leigh. It was amazing!! Spoke to me on so many levels. One thing that she said, though, that will stick with me forever, is that you don't have to forgive everything that people to do to you, say about you or whatever all at once. It's on-going process. You forgive them as much as you can every day. And each day you ask God to help you forgive them a little more.
That's where I'm at today. Forgiving a little more than I did yesterday. It feels good. God saw my need and provided - and it touched me in a way I wasn't expecting.
El Roi - the God who sees me...I have that name tattooed on me in Hebrew characters. It meant a lot to me when before but it means so much more now. Concert tickets may not mean much to you. But to me, they mean forgiveness, friendship and blessings.
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