i'm at work updating my blog. i'm working late because i came in late today. i haven't done that for a long time but today, i could not force myself to get going. it's like when you're little and you force down the last of your brusselsprouts almost every time but then there's that one time that you just can't? you know that you'll throw up if you eat that last bite...yep that's how i was feeling this morning. i'm tired. physiclly tired in ways i didn't know i could be. i think it's because of my recent emotional drownings. i feel fine emotionally now, but we'll see if that changes come Tuesday. that's when reality comes marching into work and slaps me across the face with his apparent happiness. i'm hoping to be fine with it. but you can never tell until you're in the situation.

other than that, i'm doing just fine. life is fine. but i've been thinking of starting over. i don't know if that means that i would just do school or if i would be moving to another state. drama. the main thing keeping me here is fear. i don't want to move and find a new job. it's not even the thought of finding new friends, it's the moving that i hate. maybe i can pay someone to move me and set up my apt for me. i want nice furniture and a place that's mine. maybe i'll buy something. good old commitment phobe just thought about buying a house. i don't think it's the house that i'm looking for. it's stability. i don't have that right now - well, ok, i do have it but not in the way that i want it. hmm...i'm having epiphanies all over the place today. that's one for another day.