Sometimes great things come in the most unsuspecting of packages. I went to someone for prayer last night. I'd been to the church one other time before when I'd felt like God wanted me to go. After the sermon, there was a prayer time and I nervously stood in line awaiting prayer and asking myself who I should go to. There was a couple there that I felt so strongly like they weren't for me. I don't know how to explain it better than that. There wasn't a true negative feeling of "these are terrible people" but there was definitely an instant aversion to them when they sat beside me during the sermon. So I get to the front of the line and they become free. The people I had an instant reaction to. And I heard ever so clearly "no". The 10 seconds I stood and reasoned how to decline politely felt like an eternity. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't NOT walk over and have them pray for me. I was next in line and they were open. What could I do, right? 

Well, it was awful. Absolutely terrible. They prayed for me but I felt nothing. Not even a twinge of God in it. They'd prayed out of their own understanding without searching the Lord for any indication as to how He wanted to handle my situation. They'd stopped listening when I mentioned that I didn't go to church regularly. They didn't hear me when I said that God had freed me for now (and maybe forever) from the tradition of church-going so that I'd learn of Him by the means that He'd chosen for me during this time. (It's a long story - message me if you want to know about it.) They prayed that God would bless me and strengthen my heart, etc.....once I was back in church. I left there deflated, a little battered, disappointed and honestly, extremely pissed off. But now I'm glad that it happened for several reasons:

1. Living as I am now, I've been shown how the church operates to an outsider and it's not usually pleasant.
2. It showed me that people are afraid of things that don't fit into the status quo - whether at work, in society but for sure within the church. 
3. I could feel the difference between a prayer from their minds and one from their heart. We should always be asking God what He wants us to pray for when we are praying for others.
4. It allowed me the understanding that praying out loud in groups is for the benefit of the group. Yes, you are praying to God but you are also ministering to the people around you. People use prayer to gossip, admonish and chastise people. But we also need to be using it to uplift people. 
5. Prayer should always be spoken in love. Doesn't Corinthians say something about doing everything in love? If you do things without love, you're like a clanging cymbal - just noise. God does not care if it takes you an hour to hear what He has for you to pray for someone, He wants you to take the time to seek Him and lovingly minister to their spirits. We're out here fighting for our souls everyday - be kind. Realize what a privilege it is to seek the Father on behalf of someone. It's a HUGE privilege.
6. You don't have to accept what someone speaks over your life. If it is not of God, you block that mess out and keep it moving. What God has for you, is for you. What God has ordained for you to receive, it is for you to receive. This was not for me to receive. I knew it before I went up there.
7. Take courage in the fact that what people pray over you is reinterpreted by the Holy Spirit into groanings and utterings for your well-being. Prayer is for ministry and uplifting. Yes, the words that we pray mean something. They're important. They have weight. But when you don't know what to pray and you don't know how to find the right words, the HS backs you up and intercedes on your behalf. The words are for people and commanding things on earth be as they are in heaven (and vice versa). I'm still working through this - there's a post locked up inside of me waiting to get out.
8. We should settle into the fact that God meets us where we are and His timing is perfect. This was a lesson for me. I needed to understand what it feels like when God speaks to me. I ignored Him and ended up in bad situation. But at the same time, I found out that His timing is so perfect. The first service was a training moment (as my boss likes to say) and last night was the real deal.

Back to my story, one of the ladies that I'd felt should have prayed for me the first time was sitting behind me for this service!! It was amazing. She was warm and something about her invited me in. I asked her to pray with me and gave her the background of what had happened the first night. She immediately went to get someone else to pray with us. These two women prayed for me, spoke over me and ministered to me so dearly that I couldn't even speak. There were so many tears - healing tears. Things were confirmed for me that I'd been thinking about, that I'd questioned. It was amazing. 

In situations like that, people usually feel joyous and like they have seen the face of God. I didn't feel that. But I can tell you that I feel prepared. Called. Ready. Confirmed. Healed. And that I got what I came for. That's what I was supposed to receive the first time but I did things my way instead.

So I guess I say this to say, God is good. To you. To me. To our world. People wonder where God is and why He's not changing the world and preventing life-altering things from happening to us all of the time. My question to you is: Are you letting Him use you? Do you know what it feels like when God speaks to you? Do you step out and act when He speaks to you? Do you believe that He is who He says He is? Do you know God's love for you? Because out of His love, your love grows. And it's out of that love that you minister to people whether it's in prayer or practical, everyday life actions. God uses any and everything to reach us where we are. Prayer, listening and acting are how that happens. 

As I write this, I'm reminding myself of these things and vowing to change my perceptions. To go into every situation asking God how He wants to act, love and speak - then waiting for the answer. I want to be a conduit of change and love leaving a wake of healed souls behind me.