went out with a new friend last night. just wasn't the same as going out with old friends. didn't click the way i thought we would and that was...disappointing. at best. while they were talking, i realized that i'm just me. i don't impress people. i don't always get the good laugh. i don't always come through. but that's just me. my hair is curly and "natural". i'm hippy and will never be a size 4. i'm southern and have a slight accent (when i'm home or with sara anyways). i'm just a tad bit obnoxious. i'll talk you into oblivion about nothing when i'm tired. i do what i can for my friends to the point of putting myself out completely. and i hold grudges longer than most people have worn blue eye shadow. i'm quirky and i love it. it's just me. i sat there last night while this person tried to impress me with their promiscuity, drunkeness, and tales of how they are always getting high with their friends in the City. it was tiring, but made me glad to be me. i'm glad that i've never truly worked hard to impress. i've never had the feeling that i had to be more than i was for most people. it felt good being me.

i realized last night that my soul is settled. my spirit is at peace. i'm nestled into God -even at the furthest moments and the farthest places. grace, mercy, love, faith...his banner over me is love. may you walk in the dust of your rabbi. peace be with you - and also with you. be still and know that i am god. a quiet and gentle strength. as for me and my house, we will serve the lord.

again thinking and thinking and thinking...i need better understanding of how this all works. what the reality of this whole thing is. how to gauge where i am and what i'm doing. hmm...the wheel never stops turning, but it's good to know that it's turning in Him.