i am officially the worst blog updater ever. EV. ER.

i've been having the best and hardest summer of my life. i've been stretched in ways i have yet to understand but have also learned so many thing about myself and humanity in general.

my biggest lesson to date is that loneliness can make you turn your back on your morals. it's hard to say that out loud which is why i'm typing it. i have made so many mistakes over the past two years that i don't even know where to start the story of telling them. but one thing that has kept me sane recently is that God loves me. even though i have been gone for so long and sometimes feel so numb, he always finds a way to let me feel his smile and wraps me up in him. it's comforting to know that he's always there as lately i've been feeling so beside myself with the counterfeit-ism that is my life.

anyway...

i just got back from visiting a friend in FL for five days. so great and relaxing. it was nice to think while sitting at the beach. to not worry was a vacation in itself. then it was time to go. to come back to the chi and i realized that this place makes me very sad. mostly because of me and my choices i think. so my type A personality feels the need to go about fixing these things. but when i think about where to start, i get overwhelmed which leads to being tired and wanting to sleep.

blah.

i think that's the best update that i can give right now. i'm in reflective mode again and hoping to turn some things around and get back to what makes me happy.